Everything in this world can be shown as a flowchart algorithm. This, of course, applies to the complex and not well researched field of “Digg comments“. Here’s my humble attempt to define an algorithm which should encompass all of the many possibilities of comment development on Digg. With this mighty flowchart, all you need to do is slap some code and you’ll get several pages of instant Digg comments, regardless of the topic. Observe:
- 1st comment - clever observation -> 172 diggs
- reply #1: obscure SEO site spam -> -400 diggs
- replies #2 - #10: insult to the second replier -> 10 to 15 diggs
- reply #11: insult to replies #2-10 for not being insulting enough -> -3 diggs
- reply #12: feeble attempt at being clever like the first comment, starts with the word “obviously” -> 2 diggs.
- reply #13: grammar police -> -34 diggs
- reply #14: insult to the grammar police -> 3 diggs
- reply #15: insult to the guy who insulted the grammar police and moderate agreement with grammar police -> 0 diggs
- reply #16: general insult to everyone -> -2 diggs
- 2nd comment -> overlords joke -> 43 diggs
- reply #1: comment about hating overlords jokes -> -24 diggs
- reply #2: will it blend joke -> 35 diggs
- reply #3: tinfoil hat joke -> -2 diggs
- (if at this point by any chance more than 5 comments got buried, all the subsequent comments will get buried except for those containing the word “truthiness!“)
- reply #4: internet is a series of tubes joke -> 80 diggs
- replies #5-7: anti-Bush comments -> -2 to 2 diggs
- reply #8: comment about tinfoil hat jokes never being funny -> 4 diggs
- reply #9: comment about replier #8 being too young to know what tinfoil hats are -> -1 digg
- reply #10: 1: do something, 2: ???, 3: profit! joke -> 6 diggs
- reply #11: Simpsons reference -> 11 diggs
- reply #12: completely random letters with a link to a MySpace page -> -51 diggs
- reply #13: comment about MySpace pages being ugly -> 2 diggs
- reply #14: beowulf cluster joke -> 9 diggs
- reply #15: comment about digg not being Slashdot -> -10 diggs
- comments 3-10: more feeble attempts at being funny -> between -5 and 5 diggs
- comment 11: obscure cultural reference which absolutely noone gets except 1 guy who is 38 years old, lives on Dr. Pepper and Pizza and has no life -> 2 diggs
- reply #1: the guy with no life praising comment 11 -> 1 digg
- comment 12: mentions kevin rose -> 684 diggs
- reply #1: insults comment 12 for being a fanboy -> -344 diggs
- comment 13: insults everything that isn’t Apple and praises the iPod for no reason at all -> 16 diggs
- comment 14: first actually useful comment containing relevant information -> too far down to be noticed.
*Disclaimer: if you’re not a Digg user, forget about this post, it’s a joke. The inspiration came from this insanely funny thread. Digg is fun.
I would also add (probably under #1): link to duggmirror (-34) . Why people get dugg down for it, i’ve know idea. oh, and also, someone mentions dupe (-180)
To JOB:
because the website is up at the time and the commenter just wrote the comment to get modded up!
OH, and one more thing…you forgot 20 RTFA comments and (if applicable) a couple arguing if the link is NSFW or not.
First one links to diggmirror.com, the replies attack the guy because “NOBODY” sends off-site referral information, and finally someone else posts the full link…
YouTube links for videos that have otherwise suffered the Digg Effect, at least two petition links against whatever the article was about, and, later on, a rebuttal story appears on Digg. Cycle repeats.
you forgot soviet russia jokes
and anicejew
no period in Dr Pepper
@Abid
If you look in the thread the blog mentioned you will see a link to the duggmirror that I submitted, dug down to -14. I submitted that when the site was down, and I was the first to submit it. I know that because I checked after I submitted, in order to edit it out if someone posted it above. Later at some point Dpack submitted a mirror, except he just replied to the first comment. Apperantly that is acceptable, since the comment was dugg 44 times.
I don’t know exactly what point I am trying to make with this, but there you go.
Yes, the obligatory anicejew comment is required.
It’s funny how he’s so hated and yet he has gained so much fame. It might be what he has wanted the whole time.
This is not a flowchart or an algorithm. “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” pretty much sums up my thoughts on your article. (and yes I am a digg user)
^ how clever, too bad you couldn’t come up with something yourself.
You care too much, Brombob. It’s just a site. Full of geeks. Pathetic, twisted little geeks that deserve to be poked at now and again for being so utterly predictable.
Good job, author. And now, as another Digg stereotype, I read, I laughed, I’ll probably never be back. So long, and thanks for the bandwidth.
Dead on with most of it - especially this : any anti-apple comment gets dugg down, any pro-apple comment gets dugg up - any pro or negative MicroSoft comment gets dugg down.
@david: thx, I didn’t know that. Never drank the stuff, I just chatted with a guy who was addicted to Dr Pepper.
@everyone else: thx for the comments, especially on the actual Digg story. Funny as hell.
@everyone who thinks I don’t know what an algorithm/flowchart is: this is pseudo-science, remember (;.
Takes a very brave soul - leaving an open response forum, people may say hateful things here, after all - with their IP address
Much easier to write to in the middle of the night, though. Enjoyed your post.
(-points for no required field asterisk.)
heh
You’re doing that from wrong side.
@OpenReply: well, I do have a spam killer in place. About hateful things: I doubt it, the post is obviously a joke. However, reader comments are really important to me and I do not plan to censor them.
Great observations Stan. Funny but true. I quit reading comments a while ago. I only read them when I need a good laugh.
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